In the life of Pi

It is July and the Sun is doing its job. Oregon is stubborn when it comes to heat. Stubbornness is a struggle in my life. Constantly I try to make life work out to what I see best. What is see best for my life should not be based on what I think. So much hurt, pain, struggle, tears have been shed because life has not worked out the way I think best for it.

Some challenging concepts/ideas and conversations have shown me my humanness (imperfect or sin nature). To be born again: no way can being born again mean you are the same as before. I am born again, yet my life shows a contradiction. I am not at peace with life. God does not control all of my life.

Just yesterday I took a step back and realized this in the moment. I called Kristine yesterday and found out she was watching a movie with friends. I immediately was hurt, because I was not informed earlier and I felt left out of her life. A lot of selfish thoughts entered my head and I did not know how to react to her on the phone. Thankfully I did not say too much and put my foot in my mouth. After hanging up, I prayed. I knew what I was feeling was sin. I had bitterness in my heart and I was disgusted with it. God showed me much more when I was in prayer with Him. Kristine was honest. I cannot ask for more. Dropping everything and trying to find a way to appease me would not be a healthy relationship.

My prayer is the Spirit would continue to work in me. I do not want my own self to get in the way: aka sin. If I was to live by the Bible, what would it look like? Is the way I think of Church the way it is portrayed in the Bible? Or is the way I think of Church based on how I have always been exposed to it?

No wonder Nicodemus was so confused. Surely one cannot enter into a mother's womb a second time to be born again. John 3. I feel like Nicodemus and ask that question "How can I be born again or what does that look like?" I am on the journey of living a born again life. Sounds messy: if it is anything like coming out of the womb a second time, then it must be messy....that was joke.

pi is messy